my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
