I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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