Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
