How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
