This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
