did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
