I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
