i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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