i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
