3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
