they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
