Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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