You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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