worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
