Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
