I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
