Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
