Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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