I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
