it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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