I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
