thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
