There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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