i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
