How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
