If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
