You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
