Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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