i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
