If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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