Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
