So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
