Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
