i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The air taste purple.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
