I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ok first of all what the fuck
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
