So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
