Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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