i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
