It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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