Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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