This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
