He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
