what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sarcasm needs its own font
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
is it fun? or sober?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
