i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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