I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
