I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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