My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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