Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
