I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
