"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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