Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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