I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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