I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
