I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
