in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
