I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
