We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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