You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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