so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
