She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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