i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize