i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
