those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
