You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
