Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
