I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
