I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
