Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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