I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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