Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
