We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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