I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
