You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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