He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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