just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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