Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
