glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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