I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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