I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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